Burnout

I used to run a lot.

Well, not a lot. I hated distances over 8km, and I almost never pushed myself to run for anything close to an hour. Still, I laced up my Mizunos and hit the pavement (sometimes dirt) three to four times a week. It got to where a 26-minute 5km effort was little more than recovery. It was a habit.

It wasn’t fun.

I pounded away at my running because I was surrounded by¬†endurance athletes: marathoners (ultra and regular), triathletes, and swimmers. It wasn’t hard for a strength-oriented person to feel left out. I put in the time and effort to do something I had been convinced was worthwhile, even though I never really liked it very much. The community’s enthusiasm was encouraging, and the gear fit. I was willing to work at it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should have been doing something else.

I haven’t gone on a run in months now.

My current job feels like that. It isn’t a shitty job by any means – in fact, I have a commission of several thousand dollars in the pipeline – but it just doesn’t fit. The enthusiasm is there, and there’s certainly a lot of money to be made, but I don’t see myself staying for more than a couple of years even if I succeed spectacularly – which I doubt is going to happen. Heck, I’m already looking for other opportunities.

It’s easy to get excited about things. You get drawn into the hype – even for simple reasons – and you find yourself almost willing to drown in it. Once the high fades, though – and once the darker parts start entering the picture, you become far less willing to put up with it. It’s something I’ve experienced more than once, but this is one of the biggest cases so far in that it’s more than a few months wasted time on the line. There’s the salary, the potential earning, the connections – just a lot of stuff that needs to be considered.

I’m willing to stick it out, at least for a little while longer. I ran for months before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort, especially once rowing and cycling entered the picture. I might also find myself having a little fun while it lasts.

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